Well, them and some reindeer. That's what I get for reading about the Saami right before bed. Yeesh.
Anyway. Back to business. My writing last night wasn't as free-flowing as it usually is. I'm not sure what the block was, but I just couldn't round up my thoughts the way I wanted to at the end. So, before I start on any new topics, I want to tie up the loose ends from last night, which came to me as I was running this morning.
The worst part about the "Not-Good-Enough" lie is that you have no confidence because you don't experience success, and part of the reason you don't succeed is a lack of confidence. It's a vicious cycle. I understand it completely. But what is important to remember is the bitterness that it breeds, and the faithlessness that it encourages. Those are the real dangers. But I have a little secret- as soon as you become conscious of Satan's tricks, and begin mindfully praying about them and combating them, that cycle will break. That, I promise you. It may not happen immediately, but it will happen. It may be a gradual improvement, or one day after weeks of prayer, something inside of you may just snap into place. We're all individual; it varies.
C.S. Lewis brings up another mindblowing concept in Screwtape. Fear is not what we think it is. We are afraid of things happening, whether to us, or as a result of something we do. Some fear rejection or embarrassment. Some fear not being able to put food on the table. There are a lot of things people are afraid of. But fear is a distraction. Just like hunger. Just like being cold. It's a survival instinct. We're afraid of heights because we could fall, afraid of snakes because we could be bit, afraid of rejection because without other people in our lives, we will become miserable wretches (just ask Peaches and Cream up there in the birthday hats). We think that the burden associated with fear is that which we are actually afraid of. But it isn't. It is the fear itself. I think we would find that if what we fear actually happened to us, it would not be nearly so distressing as the constant burden of fear we carry around. Besides that, on a spiritual level, are we not told a kajillion times to not be afraid? Isn't fear a lack of faith? Isn't that Satan's aim?
I'm not judging any of you. I am every bit as afraid of certain things in my life as you are of different things in yours. But I implore you to take heart. Put aside your fear and your doubt. Don't let yourself be drug into bitterness by your feelings of inadequacy. Don't be drug into arrogance by your feeling of entitlement that comes with the realization that you are "equal." Don't fall for Satan's lies. I ask this of all of you that we might encourage each other. I want to face my fears. You want to face yours. There are others who won't have the courage to try until they see us break the patterns of Satan's lies in our lives. That's not an easy thing. But C.S. Lewis states it best, so powerfully that it almost moves me to tears.
We may have to endure that which we fear. But I'd rather do that than deal with the fear.
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