I'm sitting at my kitchen table with a bowl of oatmeal (with blackberries- my favorite) and a cup of coffee. It is absolutely beautiful outside with the sun coming up. It's a cool morning, by May standards, but it promises to be a lovely day all the same. Worth noting is that Kansas is currently cooler than my summer home in Marshall, Minnesota. And unfortunately, my summer home is part of the reason I'm not paying as much attention to the lovely day as I should be.
Packing and cleaning are stressing me out. You don't realize what you can't find until you start looking for it (to this, you are undoubtedly saying, "No, really? Why am I reading this guy?"). You also don't realize how much trash you harbor until you start moving trash out of a room in order to find things that you actually need. I'm also seeing time as a commodity right now. Seven to eight hours of work over the last couple of days are all I've been able to put into my bedroom so far, in part because of other important things I've needed to do, such as moving furniture, beginning pre-marital counseling, and getting my finances set for the summer. I've also tried to give myself some rest and relaxation- this is, after all, my only week "off" before starting my summer clinical internship in Marshall. So I think I'll try my luck fishing this morning/afternoon for about 3 hours or so. Hopefully I don't pay in stress sweat. I still have a lot of things to pack, a box of books to locate (likely misplaced after last summer's clinical), and a bicycle that needs checked out by someone who knows what they are doing. I'm somewhat apprehensive about how much money I'll need to put into that sucker, but it will be a ride (hopefully) this summer that will save gas and make for easy entertainment. Not that I won't already have plenty to do. But sometimes, a mindless, outdoor activity is what I need to recover, and I have no lawn to mow or garden to tend.
So, again, picture painted, I'm sitting here, tired, and a little stressed out. Beyond the prep work, there are unknowns out the ears. Will I mesh with my CI? What are the business standards at my clinic? What kind of roommates will I be paired with in my university housing? Will I find community in Minnesota? Will my budgeting prove accurate (aka, will my funds last?) But there was a little reminder that I didn't need to be so stressed.
http://solidjoys.desiringgod.org/en
I am far too focused on details that frankly just don't matter. It may seem that they do. But I'm not going to starve. I'm (most likely) going to make it back to Kansas. My focus shouldn't be on this experience as a weird vacation or even something I have been forced to do (I did choose the location, after all). Even though Piper's blog doesn't necessarily speak directly into my circumstances, it is a reminder that I simply need to center myself. I'm not seeking things that are above. I'm merely seeking to keep my head above water. There is a difference.
This summer, God has a plan for me. I don't know what it is. I would hope the plan is that I will treat a lot of patients, thus showing them God's healing grace; I will find a small community of believers that challenge and encourage me; and I find another individual that perhaps doesn't know God well whom I can invest in. But those are expectations; and expectations of such a nature are dangerous. What I should really be expectant of is that God will do with me as He sees fit. My expectation should merely be that God will ask me to do something; in no way should I attempt to predict what that something will be. All I can do is whatever the next thing God wants me to do is.
Today, that looks like listening to a Timothy Keller message while doing the dishes. It looks like packing like crazy between fishing and running my bike down to get looked at. It looks like posting this blog, which is an opportunity for the rest of the world to see the way I mentally process things.
I want to add, as well, that I will be continuing to update this blog over the course of the summer. I will be posting at least weekly with photos, stories, thoughts, all sorts of things. I might bring some physical therapy insights to the table. I will hopefully be bragging about the giant Northern Pike I catch (a dream I have had since I was a little kid). I will probably share what the Lord is doing in my life. I will tell you all about my unusual\ experiences, ranging from weekend trips to dining experiences to probably some general commentary about where I am. If any of that sounds interesting, or if it doesn't but you love me enough to read about it anyway, feel free to check out this blog. I'll post links to Facebook and Twitter, so don't hesitate to check them out.
Enjoy your Wednesday, ladies and gentlemen. Rest in Him, even when packing has you ridiculously stressed out.
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